Chance the Rapper parodied a song on Saturday Night Live recently that summed up an undergirding truth about the Thanksgiving holiday. He dedicates it to all the “family weirdos” and other relatives you don’t care to see.
Now, let’s be honest: most of us have a family gathering with that annoying, or crazy, or dangerous family member. I remember at the repast for my paternal grandmother, meeting a family friend who celebrated the “virtues” of “waiting in a dark ally to beat a nigga over the head with a brick.” A few weeks later he was found dead with 22 bullet holes in his chest!
My point is that we all have family that makes these gatherings either extremely interesting or extremely painful. And with the painful encounters, we psyche ourselves up to endure it “just for today.”
You know: “we’ll have to endure Aunt Jane Doe’s racist comments, just for today.” Or, “we’ll endure Uncle John Doe’s sexist remarks, just for today.” “Honey, I know my parents always disrespect you but it’s just for today.”
In some respect, there’s some injustice we choose to abide “for the sake of peace” just for today.
Yet in Matthew 5:9-11, Jesus said:
Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.
Blessed are those who don’t abide injustice for the sake of false peace and the mere appearance of peace. Rather, blessed are those who love one another enough to remind one another of peace and compel one another to embrace peace – truly and deeply.
But, American culture has this notion of “agreeing to disagree.”
And this culture plays out masterfully during Thanksgiving. It’s easier to avoid conflict than to overcome conflict. And so, if we have a racist aunt: it’s easier to avoid her – ignore her, stay out of her way – than it is to challenge her to grow beyond her racism. If we have a pedophile for an uncle: it’s easier to avoid him – to keep the children away from him and teach them to “stay safe” – than it is to confront him and compel him to repent. If we have parents who mistreat, disrespect and disregard our spouse: it’s easier to ask our spouse to support us and endure an environment where he/she is not valued, than to confront our parents for not supporting our marriage.
We resolve to “agree to disagree.” And when just for today is past, we go to our respective corners and take our ball home.
We don’t really care to be one…we don’t really care to be united. It’s the stuff of “irreconcilable differences” – you know, “we’ve decided that we don’t care to come to an agreement.”
We have conditional relationships about which we are indifferent: “I’ll support your marriage so long as you two are together, but if you (one) decide to separate, I’ll support that too.”
I’ll love you and remain joined to you so long as we agree – or agree to disagree, and pretend to agree for the sake of appearances.
We say we want “oneness” and unity, but we expect it to just happen. We aren’t willing to lose something of our own so that we can gain something of each other.
And what we do in our families…what we do at Thanksgiving gatherings provides a window into our polarized socio-political climate.
We claim to love our Constitution but don’t really care about forming a More Perfect Union. We say we want “oneness” and unity, but we are beholden to partisanship – so much so that many people in our Country believe that electing an accused pedophile and accused sexual miscreants are a better way to “make America great” than electing someone of a different political position.
The polarization in America’s political climate began around the dinner table. It began with the idea that we can “be family” without being family. If we can throw away our familial relations, certainly we can throw away our social relations. If we can destroy our families – or idly watch our families be destroyed, certainly we can destroy our Country – or stay silent while it comes to ruin.
The healing of America likewise begins around the dinner table
So, if you lament the state of affairs in our Country: this Thanksgiving, examine the state of affairs in your family. Does your family have a culture of appeasement? Of ignoring the elephant in the room?
Does your family prefer to agree to disagree: allowing other family members to suffer hurt feelings and endure the sullying of their identity as children of God, while pretending to love?
Do you have a husband or wife who isn’t really excited about being with your family and enduring the tacit disrespect? Do you have a family that pretends not to hear the racist and sexist comments being exchanged?
Do you approach any part of this gathering, hoping simply to endure it just for today?
If so – and if you can be honest and acknowledge that: be a peacemakers. Do not avoid the conflict and allow the wound to fester and become infected. Because in avoiding addressing the conflict (i.e. grabbing women “by the pussy”) we end up with accused pedophiles as the example of “American Greatness.”
And what would that look like in your family?
Rather, be a balm to dress the wound, tend to it and heal it. Yes, you might be persecuted and ridiculed for it…but so were the prophets and martyrs before you persecuted. So rejoice and be exceedingly glad for being in such good company!
If you love one another enough to truly be family…to agree to agree…then great is your reward in the Kingdom of God! And that would be something truly worthy of thanksgiving!
