Now I don’t know what T. D. Jakes had to say in his book of a similar title. Didn’t read it. Didn’t see it. But I know sisters loved it – at least so I think! (Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong…) I can only hope that you love this too…

I continue to observe things which might be attributed to Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome, as espoused by Dr. Joy Leary. It seems as if sisters have been conditioned to not let men into their lives.

But why?

Maybe because during slavery sisters never knew if their man would be killed or sold. Maybe because of this, sisters grew into an inherited-indifference that has eerily become a type of “protective shield.” Maybe it’s a part of “The Curse of Independence.”

But, woman thou art FREE – to love a Black Man!

Maybe you still don’t know if we will be killed – in the streets, in the war overseas, by the cops, by the thugs, by an accident. Maybe you still don’t know if the economy and job market will “sell us” to a nomadic existence, scrambling to keep cash flowing. Maybe you still don’t know if the City or State will refrain from selling their penal contracts to other systems outside the community.

But, woman thou art FREE – to love a Black Man! Those happenings you fear, are things which, at present, are a reality.

Still, sisters find it hard to let brothers into their lives.

Maybe it’s because you had bad relations with men in the past. Maybe a man mistreated you; maybe he abused you; maybe he didn’t value you. Maybe you have a right to be pissed off!

But, it is also a reality that if you still want to be married you must allow yourself to be vulnerable again – just be wise in that vulnerability.

Woman thou art FREE – to love a Black Man!

What I’m saying is what Black Sheep told you years ago: “The Choice is Yours!” (ungh – come on!)

You can choose to have love, or you can choose to be empty. Protecting yourself is not the answer. Being more selfish to compensate for some deficiency you see in men will not alleviate the pain. Being stand-offish will not make things better. And, as comforting as it all may seem, in the long run you will end up as you are: single.

As Christ said, “(s)he who tries to save his (her) life will lose it. But, (s)he who looses his (her) life for My sake – and the Gospel’s, will find it.” Protecting your interests, protecting your emotions, protecting yourself is paramount to trying to save your life. Unless the Lord is a liar (heaven forbid!), it must follow that you will lose your life in this fashion. The only way to find the life you’ve been seeking is to “Let Go and Let….”

Woman thou art FREE – to love a Black Man!

Don’t hold the next man accountable for the abuses of the last man. Don’t let the ignorance of the man you did have allow you to let the man you do have, slip away. Don’t let your past have a negative impact on your present and future. You are the only one keeping yourself from joy. You are the only one holding you back. God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness; so, your vulnerabilities will prove to possess a strength beyond imagination.

Woman thou art FREE – to love a Black Man!

Or, am I missing something?

2 Comments

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  1. Michele 11 years ago

    >what you are missing is that women are looking for someone to love THEM completely without reservation. It's the fear of unrequited love that keeps women from loving their man. Its the fear that is born out of the unwillingness of black women to love THEMSELVES. So they won't be free to love a black man until they learn to be free to love themselves.

  2. An Alpha Male 11 years ago

    >Fear is a mindkiller. It's like a game of double dutch…everyone bobbing back and forth, looking for the "opportune time" to "jump in!"

    You are right – we all need to love ourselves. And, we must improve ourselves before we can truly join to another. And, once joined we mustn't give way to complacency – but remain vigilant in the work of self-improvement.

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